Sarah is at work this Memorial Day, so Colin decides he wants to tour his hometown of Webster. ![]()
We drive up and down Bay Area Blvd between Highway 3 and Gulf Freeway looking for a place to eat until we come up to the Best Buy strip mall. I want Chick-Fil-A, but Colin says he wants Cafe Express, since they now serve breakfast. ![]()
Ok sure, I've only been there once and it was a long time ago.
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Ok outside there are signs everywhere stating they serve breakfast, but there is nothing anywhere on their BIG GLOWING MENU BOARD. Yes, that is a plasma TV to the right of the menu showing commercials for the restaurant. What kind of low self esteem joint are we at? "Yes, you made the right decision by coming inside and we have the commercials to prove it!! Please stay and don't leave!!"
Fine you needy little restaurant, but I still have no idea what they have for breakfast. We are one of...well there was only one other couple when we showed up. I ask the cashier what they have for breakfast and she shows me this square hidden by the register with their breakfast options.
I decide on a Cafe Trio, which is a breakfast choice, skillet potatoes or fresh fruit, and a drink. I decide to get a breakfast burrito with Jalapeno Turkey Sausage, skillet potatoes WITHOUT ONIONS, and an OJ. Colin stares at the menu, tries to eat it, then finally decides on a blueberry muffin and some milk.
I pay and we are given our little vibrating sensor thing. I look for a seat and find one close to the windows. It is really nice outside, but I don't want Colin to eat off of the tables outside. I want him to eat bluberry muffin, not blueberry and bird poop muffin. All the tables outside look like there was some epic battle between bird gangs fighting for territory. I stay inside and choose one of their couch booths.
A couple minutes pass and I start thinking, "Where is my food?" The people that came after us already have their food and it looks like they ordered the same thing as I did. WTF??? 13 minutes after I pay, my vibrator tells me my food is finally ready.
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Well at least the food looks good. Colin's muffin looks delicious and I was right. He is going to town on that while I tear into my burrito. My burrito tastes....like nothing. Nada. Nichts. Niente. It came with some kind of salsa so I dip and bite and that...does nothing. It still has no taste. I wonder if the time I had to wait made me lose my sense of taste so I drink my OJ. Or I would have drank it if it wasn't in slushy form. They had the OJ so cold that it actually froze. Awesome. I drop my tasteless cylinder and try the potatoes. They taste like..nothing! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! How can you cook food and have the end result be nothing! There is potatoes, cheese, bacon, and....
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WHAT THE HELL ARE ONIONS DOING ON MY DAMN POTATOES!!! Not only do you manage to screw up cooking, but you can't seem to follow directions either. You need to get out of the cooking business and go into fertilizer sales. That's the only place I can think of where you get rewarded for selling crap.
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Even Colin was ready to leave. He was like, "Deuce!" and we left. He ate half of his muffin because it was the only thing good. Don't waste your time going here for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or fourthmeal, unless you are looking to gamble on the bird gang fights.
I don't even want to post the address to this terd paradise. If you want to eat there, here is the address:
7400 NW Fart Blossom Terrace
Webster, Tx. 77598
281-WESUCKATCOOKING
There go find it now.![]()
We drive up and down Bay Area Blvd between Highway 3 and Gulf Freeway looking for a place to eat until we come up to the Best Buy strip mall. I want Chick-Fil-A, but Colin says he wants Cafe Express, since they now serve breakfast. 
Ok sure, I've only been there once and it was a long time ago.
Ok outside there are signs everywhere stating they serve breakfast, but there is nothing anywhere on their BIG GLOWING MENU BOARD. Yes, that is a plasma TV to the right of the menu showing commercials for the restaurant. What kind of low self esteem joint are we at? "Yes, you made the right decision by coming inside and we have the commercials to prove it!! Please stay and don't leave!!"Fine you needy little restaurant, but I still have no idea what they have for breakfast. We are one of...well there was only one other couple when we showed up. I ask the cashier what they have for breakfast and she shows me this square hidden by the register with their breakfast options.
I decide on a Cafe Trio, which is a breakfast choice, skillet potatoes or fresh fruit, and a drink. I decide to get a breakfast burrito with Jalapeno Turkey Sausage, skillet potatoes WITHOUT ONIONS, and an OJ. Colin stares at the menu, tries to eat it, then finally decides on a blueberry muffin and some milk.
I pay and we are given our little vibrating sensor thing. I look for a seat and find one close to the windows. It is really nice outside, but I don't want Colin to eat off of the tables outside. I want him to eat bluberry muffin, not blueberry and bird poop muffin. All the tables outside look like there was some epic battle between bird gangs fighting for territory. I stay inside and choose one of their couch booths.
A couple minutes pass and I start thinking, "Where is my food?" The people that came after us already have their food and it looks like they ordered the same thing as I did. WTF??? 13 minutes after I pay, my vibrator tells me my food is finally ready.
Well at least the food looks good. Colin's muffin looks delicious and I was right. He is going to town on that while I tear into my burrito. My burrito tastes....like nothing. Nada. Nichts. Niente. It came with some kind of salsa so I dip and bite and that...does nothing. It still has no taste. I wonder if the time I had to wait made me lose my sense of taste so I drink my OJ. Or I would have drank it if it wasn't in slushy form. They had the OJ so cold that it actually froze. Awesome. I drop my tasteless cylinder and try the potatoes. They taste like..nothing! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! How can you cook food and have the end result be nothing! There is potatoes, cheese, bacon, and....
WHAT THE HELL ARE ONIONS DOING ON MY DAMN POTATOES!!! Not only do you manage to screw up cooking, but you can't seem to follow directions either. You need to get out of the cooking business and go into fertilizer sales. That's the only place I can think of where you get rewarded for selling crap.
Even Colin was ready to leave. He was like, "Deuce!" and we left. He ate half of his muffin because it was the only thing good. Don't waste your time going here for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or fourthmeal, unless you are looking to gamble on the bird gang fights.I don't even want to post the address to this terd paradise. If you want to eat there, here is the address:
7400 NW Fart Blossom Terrace
Webster, Tx. 77598
281-WESUCKATCOOKING
There go find it now.
